Inaugurating the Great White Whale

Donald pulled his coronation inauguration team together.

“OK, now, I want my ceremony to be a lot cleaner than the last two.”

“What do you mean by, ‘cleaner’, Sir?”

“I mean fewer ‘smudges’ up there on the platform.  Fewer of those ‘dirty’ looking faces.  You know, fewer servants and field hands.”

The aide was still confused.  “Sir, are you trying to say you don’t want African Americans on the platform?”

Donald exploded.  “Damn it.  This is the white peoples’ ceremony for the White House, and I don’t need any welfare cheats on my platform.”

“Sir, those people are Congressmen, Senators, and Supreme Court Justices.  You can’t throw them off.”

“Didn’t we fight a whole war just to show those slaves, and teach them to keep their place?  I thought I heard that.”

“Mr. Trump, the slave states lost that war.”

“Not if you look at who elected me.  Bigly.  And not if you see which flags are flying at my rallies. Stars and Bars.  Lots.  Big flags.  On big pick ups.  And, speaking of flags—you know those stars up there in the corner of the ‘Murican flag?  Don’t they, some way, stand for the states?”

“Yes, Sir.  One star for each of the fifty states in the union.”

“First of all, never say ‘union’ to me.  Dirty word.  Sad.  Second, for the flags on my day, take off any star that stands for a state that didn’t vote for me.  Start right now making them sorry.  So sorry.  Sad. Anyway, do we need all of those stripey banners and things all over.  Can’t we just have white stuff?  White drapes.  White banners.  And maybe a cross with a fire?”

“Sir, the Red, White, and Blue bunting is kind of traditional.”

“But I like white.  With some gold trim.”

Donald stopped for thought.  “And I get music, don’t I?  Good music.  My special song. ‘Heil to the Chief.”

“Yes, sir.  The Marine Band, known as ‘The President’s Own’ plays for the ceremony.”

“No.”

“No? Sir?”

“I want the Navy Band.  Keep with the theme.  The Navy Band uniforms are white.  Go with the white. And these are the songs they can play:

"White Christmas"
"White on White (lace on satin)"
"A Whiter Shade of Pale"
"White Lightning"
"The White Cliffs of Dover"
"Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer"
"When the White Lilacs Bloom Again"
"A White Sport Coat and a Pink Carnation"
"Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White"

And maybe some of Putin’s favorites.  I’ll have to ask him.”

“Anything else, Sir?”

“Yes.  Talk to the Chief Justice about his robe.  That black robe he wears is so dull.  So not Trump. Ask him if he can’t wear a white robe to swear me in.  If he doesn’t have a white robe, tell him to borrow one from David Duke.  He has plenty.  And a matching hat, I think.”

“Sir, will Mr. Duke be invited?”

“He was one of my biggest fans.  We see eye to eye.  And one last thing, I won’t be repeating the oath with the Justice, I’ll be Tweeting it out.  If people want to see it, have them look at Twitter.  I’ll be making some comments about people I don’t like who snuck in, too.”

“Sir, I don’t think you should take your iphone onto the platform.”

“You’re Fired!”

A Guest Column From Constitutional Scholar Lori Hepler

I was born into Kennedy's democratic republic that stood up to the Russian threat. Both democrats and republicans came together for equality, and passed both the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act. We fought the Vietnam 'conflict' to prevent Russia's communism from metastasizing to the rest of the world.

Today, I awoke in Obama's Vichy puppet state of Russia where robots matter more than people, and most of those people are too stupid to see that We the People no longer determine the destiny of our government. We have been invaded and conquered, and we didn't even realize it, let alone lift a finger to actually fight it.

We have a growing cancer inside us that is killing us. We are at Stage 5 in hospice right now. We have a little more than a month before the end.

This is a constitutional crisis. Obama knew and decided not to tell us, shrinking from the threats of a preposterous KY Turtle. How absurd! He has the power of the greatest nation on Earth, and he let us down.

A handful of democrats tried to sound an alarm, but it was far too little and it came too late. They knew the election was rigged in September, but they let us go through the motions pointlessly. Now, Schumer says we'll get around to it next year. No. Right now. Kill the cancer NOW.

Every GOP threw their 'better angels' in the trash bin, embracing everything Lincoln stood against, and gleefully handed our country to Putin's errand boy. Comey knew details of Russia's overthrow, and, in channeling J Edgar Hoover, he acted as a Russian agent to effectively assassinate Hillary Clinton. He should have been fired immediately. Now, he must be tried for treason.

Any elector that votes for Trump commits treason, defined as overthrowing our democratic form of government. Where the People's vote' does not represent their will because of deception, the election results are farcical. No state can certify, and no elector can vote. The election cannot go to the House where the GOP has acted with treasonous intent in nominating Trump.

Any republican that advocates for Trump is treasonous. Trump does not embody the will of the People. Lindsay Graham is the only one who speaks truth.

Any democrat who does not do everything possible to bar Trump from office right now commits treason as well. The senate intel senators, Cummings, and Schiff have led the way, but the others need to get in line. Any citizen who supports a GOP Trump Putin dictatorship is an enemy.

We all awoke in a state of war in the country of our birth, but now, is totally foreign to us. We must resist. The French woman I live with has been literally sick about this, and I failed to listen. I'm listening now. Merde! How could we be so blind, deaf, and dumb?

La Résistance used the Cross of Lorraine as its symbol during WW II. They were patriots. That fits, so I'm adopting it. This is a picture of a resistance armband showing the Cross. We must be patriots now. Viva La Résistance! NEVERTRUMP! Take back our country!

And finally, we bash the MSM, but without the few of them who report truth, we would still be ignorant. WaPo broke this, and Rachel, Lawrence, and Joy are blazing the trail. I don't have much use for the others.