High White Horse Souses--ummm, High White House Sources

There was a milling, cackling gathering of press outside the Trump White House.  They exhibited that combination of certainty and confusion so often observed in Trump-era punditry.

As a small camera-top spot came on, one reporter checked his hair and his blush in a hand mirror awaiting the signal from the camera operator that he was going live.  He fixed his, “concerned but no air disaster” smile and watched the count down.  Annnnnd. 4, 3, 2, fingerpoint, redlight blinks and rolling.

“Yes,” he began, “we are still here, entering day four of the Truth Watch at the White House.  As my viewers are aware, it has been more than 72 hours since a single truth has emerged from the Trump White House, and, to be blunt, we have been given no signs as to when the next factoid may emerge. We will keep you updated as events develop.  Now, while there has been no evident truth, there have been statements from the White House, Republican Congressional leaders, and major Trump supporting public figures nationwide.  As a nation, and a world, waits breathlessly on edge for any indication of veracity.  Press Secretary Sean Spicer spoke to a select few reporters today.  Here is a tape of his remarks.”

Spicer fills the screen, “As you know, for some reason, Fake News sources are trying to make a story from the Trump administration’s extremely careful use of truth.  The president has consulted with experts on the control of both truth, and half truth—experts from the US and Russia.  Those authorities, and experts from Fox, Brietbart, and Drudge all agree with this president’s careful handling of fact and knowledge.  We are,” continues Spicer, “the true conservatives.  Therefore we know the value of truth. The President understands that truth is one of our most valuable, and cherished, commodities.  And, being the conservative leader that he is, he has committed not to waste one small bit of it.  When it comes to the national treasure of truth, we shall not squander it, and shall be very sparing of its use.  You may all go home now, the President is headed for a 7-day weekend in Florida.---but a working weekend, believe me.”

The shot cuts back to the reporter doing the stand up.  “Jenny, you may not have heard this back in the studio, but reports have been circulating among the journalists here that when and if a new truth is chosen by the Trump administration, white smoke will issue from the peak of the White House roof, signaling to the faithful that they have a new truth. (reporter chuckles)  Of course, we know this administration would never use black smoke.  I add, this IS unconfirmed, but we have it from some sources who are very high.  I mean, from some high sources.

“Also making a statement today was Senator Mitch McConnel.  Let’s hear what the Senator said.”

McConnel’s face comes on screen.  “Republicans,” he began, “are quite bewildered by this liberal concern from the Democrats, and their enablers in the lamestream media, for verifiability. Their insistence that there is somehow factual evidence, or evidence of facts, is a slap in the face to the traditions we Republicans uphold.  They insist on something they call “truth,” as if we would let it appear on the floor of the legislature.  We don’t need it.  We won’t use it if it is forced upon the American people, and, as you know, we have held, in our time, months and months of investigatory hearings which have neither used nor required one single iota of fact.  If the president wants you to have a truth, he will tell you what it is.”  As a reporter from BET raised a hand, the senator quickly added, “Of, course, no, that rule does not apply to ALL presidents.”

The screen cuts back to the reporter, who is obviously a bit flustered, and getting some kind of update through his earpiece.  “We are just hearing that Rev. Franklin Graham is holding an emergency press conference at a segregated Christian school in Knuckledrag, Alabama to address the Wait for Truth vigil here in Washington.  Let’s join that presser, now in progress.”

The camera cuts to Graham, who is simultaneously speaking and demonstrating his mastery of the Evangelist Sneer Smile.  “…..and that’s why I say, this so-called search for earthly truth is both a godless liberal distraction, and another atheist attempt to oppress and persecute every Christian in America.  The ONLY truth, I say again, the ONLY truth is found in the Word of God as revealed, directly from his mouth, in the King James Version of the Holy Bible.  To claim that there are any facts, of any kind, available outside of the 66 books of Inspired Holy Writ is an abomination, and an insult to the faith and certainty of True Christians. ^tm”

Cut back to the reporter.  “As you can see, in the tradition of American journalism, we have brought you both sides of the controversy—the Conservative Republican Congressional viewpoint, and the Conservative Religious viewpoint.  The entire spectrum of thought we cover.

“And that’s it from outside the White House, where we enter day four of, “A Nation Without Truth.”  (Banner graphic with that title runs across the top of the screen and spins out into a shot of the White House.)

Donny 'Splains Space Flight

Donald was a little worried. It had been a bad week for him and his cabinet—in spite of all the lies he’d gotten away with in his State of the Union speech.

He and Bannon sat in the Oval Office.  They each had a top DC hooker on their lap, and they were strategizing.  “Remember that Kennedy, ‘Go to the moon’ thingy,” mused Donny, “we need a big idea like that.”

“Maybe,” said Bannon, “but we’ve promised to cut science and funding for NASA.”

Donald snapped, “This isn’t science, it’s space flight.  Rockets, just like the Air Force has.  Hey,“ he continued,”the president has a helicopter and a jet.  Why don’t I have a presidential rocket?  Space Trump One.”

“I’ll look into it,” promised Bannon, as he readjusted the seat of his lap lovely.

Suddenly Donald sprang up, dumping a Doxie.  “I know.  Those small-thinking Democrats flew to the moon.  That’s not Bigly enough.  Sad.  Tiny.  Let’s promise to fly to the sun.”

“Yeah,” interjected Bannon.  “That’ll show those unimaginative liberal rocket scientists who the big thinkers are.”

“And,” continued an enthusiastic Donald, “We’ll plant a huge Trump sign there.  One everyone can see.  All the Dems did was put an American flag on the moon.  And you can’t even see it from the top of Trump Tower.”

“But,” said Bannon, “I think it would cost a lot to fly to the sun.  And I don’t think Putie will pay for an American space flight.  He’d want all the credit.”

“We’ll just tax some poor people,” said Donald.  “We haven’t nearly ruined them yet.”

Finally one of the hookers spoke up.  (She was an unemployed history PhD.)  She shocked the hell out of both men that she could actually speak.

“Fools,” she said.  “You can’t fly to the sun.  It’s way too hot.  You’ll burn up long before you get close.”

“Now see,” said Donald as Bannon grinned like Jeff Sessions at a lynching, “right there is why you’re a floozy, and I’m the smartest business mind in the world.  Everything is timing.

We’ll go at night.”

Tweetle Dumb and Tweetle Dumber

Donald and Kellyanne were in the back of the Limo.  Kellyanne was reading her Book of Spells, and Donald was Tweeting, his tiny thumbs flying over the phone screen.

“So, K-K,” said Donald, “Once I do that ‘Naugration thing, and get the swearing and all, I can just Tweet laws, right?  I Tweet it, and America has to do it.”

“Donny, Donny,” said Kellyanne, “we’ve told you about the Constitution, and we showed you the Schoolhouse Rock film about a Bill and a Law.”

“Too long,” said Donald.  “That thing was three minutes long.  I’m an important, busy man.  Just give me the top line.”

“That little rock song, which was for 2d graders, is just about as condensed as we could get it, Donno.  Let’s try it again.  The president doesn’t make laws.  Congress makes laws, and the president either signs them or vetoes them.  Someone in the House or the Senate writes a bill.  Both houses debate it, and if both houses pass it, then it will come to you.”

“ZZZZZZZ, Who thought this crap up?  Where are you getting this?  Too complicated.  Not Trump enough.  Bills.  Debates.  Signing.  LOSERS.  I’ll just Tweet out the laws.  Or, you can go on Fox and tell them the laws.”

“Well, I’m glad to go on Fox for you, but it was the Founding Fathers who thought this up.  It’s the Constitution, Donny, you really need to finally take a look at it.”

“I love the Founding Fathers.  Great Founding. Great Fathers. But now there’s me.  And I have the best brain.  It’s a better brain because it’s a newer brain.  All those Founding guys have old brains.  I don’t need to read the Constitution.  I have lawyers to read papers and find loopholes.  Just get them to find the Tweet Loop, and get back to me.  I want to be putting out laws on my first day.”

Exasperated, Kellyanne finally shouts, “Donald, you can’t Tweet laws.  And Tweets are not laws, even Tweets from the president.”

“You get in my face again, Kellyanne, and I’ll fire you.  I do that, you know.  I fire people.  I’m famous for firing.”

“Oh, Donald, you’re cute.  You won’t fire me.  Remember, Donny, I own all those videos, and I have those negatives, and copies of your tax returns.  And, remember Don, dear, I recorded all of your phone calls during the campaign.  All of your overseas phone calls.”

“I didn’t make any overseas calls.”

“Russia, Donny, Russia is overseas.   THOSE calls.”

Don stewed, “Vlad said those calls were local calls now.  He said there’s no difference between our countries.”

“Whatever, Don.  But your SURE don’t want those calls released.  All that whining and begging is so unbecoming to you.”

“Humph.  Well, at least I can fire the Press Corp.  Get that done, will you?”

“No, Don, you can’t fire the press.”

“Look, they’re called the ‘White House Press Corps’, right?  And I’m the president, right?  That makes me the White House, so they work for me.  Fire them.”

“Don, White House Press Corps just means the people sent by newspapers, magazines, TV and such to report on the White House.  They work for the TV and publishers.  They don’t work for you.”

“I’m president. Everyone works for me.”

“Actually, Trumpie, no, as the elected president, YOU work for everyone else.  That’s democracy.”

Don was fumed.  “We’re gonna have to change that.  Bigly.  When I was President of Trump Properties, it meant I could fire people.”

Kellyanne assumed a teacherly tone.  “Well, this is a different kind of being president.  You are now a Public Servant.”

“I AM NO SERVANT! NO!  If I can’t Tweet laws at three in the morning, and I can't fire people who report my words, then just what is this presidency worth.”

“Well,” said Kellyanne, “since November 8^th, 2016, it’s not worth much.”

A Landslide or a Mudslide?

The Donald and yet another aide walk in:

“A landslide, I tell you, hugely, bigly, the best, the most landslide in history. Our History. Any History.”

The aide broke in, “Actually, Sir,…….”

“Don’t you actually me.  You sound like that sad Alec Baldwin.  What I say is actually, is actually.  And I actually won the Electrical College unanimously.”

“Sir, the count was 304 to 227.  Unanimous means getting all of the votes.  You didn’t.  And, you didn’t win the popular vote at all.”

“SHUT UP! I’m the popular one.  People love me.  I went on my ‘thank you tour’ so I could thank people by letting them cheer for me. Hillary is not popular.  She’s a nerd.  You know what we do to nerds.  If I say unanimous, then unanimous it is.  Ask any of my voters.”

“But sir, the meaning of words……”

“Don’t you dare argue with me.  That would be unpresidented.  No one who works for me argues with me.  Never.  My brain is bigger than theirs.  I have a brain.  A good brain.  And I make words mean what my brain tells me.  I’m going to be a great president.  The greatest.  I’m the first president who has never, not once, failed at anything.”

“Mr. Trump, now, I don’t think that’s quite true.”

“Name me one thing I’ve ever failed at.  One.  I bigly win.  Always. Everything.  Every time.”

“Sir.  You’re on your third marriage.  I’d say the first two marriages were failures.”

“WRONG!  WRONG!  I made two successful strategic upgrades to newer, better models.  Success.  Trump success.   In fact, you might want to check Melania’s sell-by date.  It may be time for another, fresher model.  I have the expiration date tattooed on her left butt cheek.  Have her show you.  She’ll show her butt to anyone.  Just ask.”

“Are you really getting ready to trade her in?” asked the aide. “Is that why she isn’t going to the White House with you?”

“She’s staying at the Tower.  Ivanka and I will be sleeping at the White House.”

“Sir?  Sleeping?  By that, do you mean.”

“I mean sleeping.  Beds.  Night time.  You KNOW my daughter is one hot piece.”

“Sir, now that you’re going to be president, I think you need to stop saying some things, or Tweeting them.  You need to think about your words, Sir.”

“My words are the best words. Real words.  Words that mean and stuff.  And my brain will think if I need it to.  Best brain.  Don’t want to use it up.”

The aide tried again, “Sir, back to the No Failure thing.  What about your bankruptcies?  Weren’t those failures?  Isn’t that what bankruptcy is, a bailout of a failure?”

“Punk, that just shows why I’m a billionaire, and you aren’t.  The way I do bankruptcy isn’t failure.  It is successfully making other people pay my bills.”

“I think your being a billionaire has something to do with the millions you inherited,” muttered the aide.

“See.  I was the successful sperm.  I’ve been a success from the first squirt.”

“I don’t think you want the press to hear you talk like that, Sir.  And what about your failed University?”

“I made millions more than I had to pay those chumps to settle.  That’s success.  Bigly.  Tens of millions in success.  And, why should I care what the press hears.  No one wants to hear the press.  I’ll just out-tweet ‘em.  My voters get their news from Tweets from me.  The press is sad.”

“Ok, Sir, then one last example, we’ll forget the airline, the steaks, the other businesses that didn’t make it.  But, Sir, how can you call a closed and boarded up casino a success.”

“Easy.”

“How?”

“You’re fired.”

Inaugurating the Great White Whale

Donald pulled his coronation inauguration team together.

“OK, now, I want my ceremony to be a lot cleaner than the last two.”

“What do you mean by, ‘cleaner’, Sir?”

“I mean fewer ‘smudges’ up there on the platform.  Fewer of those ‘dirty’ looking faces.  You know, fewer servants and field hands.”

The aide was still confused.  “Sir, are you trying to say you don’t want African Americans on the platform?”

Donald exploded.  “Damn it.  This is the white peoples’ ceremony for the White House, and I don’t need any welfare cheats on my platform.”

“Sir, those people are Congressmen, Senators, and Supreme Court Justices.  You can’t throw them off.”

“Didn’t we fight a whole war just to show those slaves, and teach them to keep their place?  I thought I heard that.”

“Mr. Trump, the slave states lost that war.”

“Not if you look at who elected me.  Bigly.  And not if you see which flags are flying at my rallies. Stars and Bars.  Lots.  Big flags.  On big pick ups.  And, speaking of flags—you know those stars up there in the corner of the ‘Murican flag?  Don’t they, some way, stand for the states?”

“Yes, Sir.  One star for each of the fifty states in the union.”

“First of all, never say ‘union’ to me.  Dirty word.  Sad.  Second, for the flags on my day, take off any star that stands for a state that didn’t vote for me.  Start right now making them sorry.  So sorry.  Sad. Anyway, do we need all of those stripey banners and things all over.  Can’t we just have white stuff?  White drapes.  White banners.  And maybe a cross with a fire?”

“Sir, the Red, White, and Blue bunting is kind of traditional.”

“But I like white.  With some gold trim.”

Donald stopped for thought.  “And I get music, don’t I?  Good music.  My special song. ‘Heil to the Chief.”

“Yes, sir.  The Marine Band, known as ‘The President’s Own’ plays for the ceremony.”

“No.”

“No? Sir?”

“I want the Navy Band.  Keep with the theme.  The Navy Band uniforms are white.  Go with the white. And these are the songs they can play:

"White Christmas"
"White on White (lace on satin)"
"A Whiter Shade of Pale"
"White Lightning"
"The White Cliffs of Dover"
"Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer"
"When the White Lilacs Bloom Again"
"A White Sport Coat and a Pink Carnation"
"Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White"

And maybe some of Putin’s favorites.  I’ll have to ask him.”

“Anything else, Sir?”

“Yes.  Talk to the Chief Justice about his robe.  That black robe he wears is so dull.  So not Trump. Ask him if he can’t wear a white robe to swear me in.  If he doesn’t have a white robe, tell him to borrow one from David Duke.  He has plenty.  And a matching hat, I think.”

“Sir, will Mr. Duke be invited?”

“He was one of my biggest fans.  We see eye to eye.  And one last thing, I won’t be repeating the oath with the Justice, I’ll be Tweeting it out.  If people want to see it, have them look at Twitter.  I’ll be making some comments about people I don’t like who snuck in, too.”

“Sir, I don’t think you should take your iphone onto the platform.”

“You’re Fired!”

A Guest Column From Constitutional Scholar Lori Hepler

I was born into Kennedy's democratic republic that stood up to the Russian threat. Both democrats and republicans came together for equality, and passed both the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act. We fought the Vietnam 'conflict' to prevent Russia's communism from metastasizing to the rest of the world.

Today, I awoke in Obama's Vichy puppet state of Russia where robots matter more than people, and most of those people are too stupid to see that We the People no longer determine the destiny of our government. We have been invaded and conquered, and we didn't even realize it, let alone lift a finger to actually fight it.

We have a growing cancer inside us that is killing us. We are at Stage 5 in hospice right now. We have a little more than a month before the end.

This is a constitutional crisis. Obama knew and decided not to tell us, shrinking from the threats of a preposterous KY Turtle. How absurd! He has the power of the greatest nation on Earth, and he let us down.

A handful of democrats tried to sound an alarm, but it was far too little and it came too late. They knew the election was rigged in September, but they let us go through the motions pointlessly. Now, Schumer says we'll get around to it next year. No. Right now. Kill the cancer NOW.

Every GOP threw their 'better angels' in the trash bin, embracing everything Lincoln stood against, and gleefully handed our country to Putin's errand boy. Comey knew details of Russia's overthrow, and, in channeling J Edgar Hoover, he acted as a Russian agent to effectively assassinate Hillary Clinton. He should have been fired immediately. Now, he must be tried for treason.

Any elector that votes for Trump commits treason, defined as overthrowing our democratic form of government. Where the People's vote' does not represent their will because of deception, the election results are farcical. No state can certify, and no elector can vote. The election cannot go to the House where the GOP has acted with treasonous intent in nominating Trump.

Any republican that advocates for Trump is treasonous. Trump does not embody the will of the People. Lindsay Graham is the only one who speaks truth.

Any democrat who does not do everything possible to bar Trump from office right now commits treason as well. The senate intel senators, Cummings, and Schiff have led the way, but the others need to get in line. Any citizen who supports a GOP Trump Putin dictatorship is an enemy.

We all awoke in a state of war in the country of our birth, but now, is totally foreign to us. We must resist. The French woman I live with has been literally sick about this, and I failed to listen. I'm listening now. Merde! How could we be so blind, deaf, and dumb?

La Résistance used the Cross of Lorraine as its symbol during WW II. They were patriots. That fits, so I'm adopting it. This is a picture of a resistance armband showing the Cross. We must be patriots now. Viva La Résistance! NEVERTRUMP! Take back our country!

And finally, we bash the MSM, but without the few of them who report truth, we would still be ignorant. WaPo broke this, and Rachel, Lawrence, and Joy are blazing the trail. I don't have much use for the others.

Saturday Potemkin President Potpourri

Donald Trump:  The Potemkin President.

“In politics and economics, a Potemkin village (also Potyomkin village, derived from the Russian: Потёмкинские деревни, Russian pronunciation: [pɐˈtʲɵmkʲɪnskʲɪɪ dʲɪˈrʲɛvnʲɪ] Potyomkinskiye derevni) is any construction (literal or figurative) built solely to deceive others into thinking that a situation is better than it really is. The term comes from stories of a fake portable village, built only to impress Empress Catherine II during her journey to Crimea in 1787.”  (Wikipedia entry.)

Considering that Trump is a president quite possibly built by a Russian Dictator, this seems entirely appropriate.

Apparently, millions of Americans can't tell the difference between an Alpha Male and a Psychopath.

Isn't it awful that Hillary gave a speech to Goldman Sachs? Why, what if she'd ended up appointing some G-S people to the government?

Now Donald is saying that both his presidenting and his billionairing are such easy jobs, they are both part time, and he will do both at the same time. Constitution be damned.

Oh, and even doing both jobs will leave him plenty of time for Tweeting and Pussy Grabbing.

That darling of white evangelicals, Donald the Bong Man Trump, doesn't seem to know of the scripture about not being able to serve two masters.

In case you were wondering.

Article I, Section 9, Clause 8:

“No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States: and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress, accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state.”

One of Aaron Burr's descendants just sent Donald Trump an invitation to meet him on the New Jersey shore at dawn.

I don't think he wants to show him new casino locations.

I learned in the Army to never volunteer for anything.

But, in the case of Trump's blacklist, I think I'll make an exception. It will be an honor to be on it. Sign me up.

(PS, Draft dodger Donald never learned anything in the Army.  He had a thingy on his foot that didn’t allow him to serve, but was quite OK for playing sports.)

We know, Trump is viciously attacking people, companies, and organizations that speak out against him. The only defense, really, is to not be intimidated. There is strength in numbers. Either we must ALL speak out, or none will be able to. We can't depend on journalists or "spokespeople."

How would you like to be the aide who has to try to explain law, the rule of law, and the expectation that our government be run in a legal manner, to The Donald?

I thought Trump was a first-class idiot. But compared to the people he's appointing, he's not even honorable mention

.

Special right-wing hypocrisy bonus comment:
I hope you've noticed, that the same fundamentalists who claim that statues of Mary, and Saints, and others in Catholic churches show that Catholics practice idol worship , are the same ones who demand Nativity Scenes on courthouse lawns .