The Donald and yet another aide walk in:
“A landslide, I tell you, hugely, bigly, the best, the most landslide in history. Our History. Any History.”
The aide broke in, “Actually, Sir,…….”
“Don’t you actually me. You sound like that sad Alec Baldwin. What I say is actually, is actually. And I actually won the Electrical College unanimously.”
“Sir, the count was 304 to 227. Unanimous means getting all of the votes. You didn’t. And, you didn’t win the popular vote at all.”
“SHUT UP! I’m the popular one. People love me. I went on my ‘thank you tour’ so I could thank people by letting them cheer for me. Hillary is not popular. She’s a nerd. You know what we do to nerds. If I say unanimous, then unanimous it is. Ask any of my voters.”
“A landslide, I tell you, hugely, bigly, the best, the most landslide in history. Our History. Any History.”
The aide broke in, “Actually, Sir,…….”
“Don’t you actually me. You sound like that sad Alec Baldwin. What I say is actually, is actually. And I actually won the Electrical College unanimously.”
“Sir, the count was 304 to 227. Unanimous means getting all of the votes. You didn’t. And, you didn’t win the popular vote at all.”
“SHUT UP! I’m the popular one. People love me. I went on my ‘thank you tour’ so I could thank people by letting them cheer for me. Hillary is not popular. She’s a nerd. You know what we do to nerds. If I say unanimous, then unanimous it is. Ask any of my voters.”
“But sir, the meaning of words……”
“Don’t you dare argue with me. That would be unpresidented. No one who works for me argues with me. Never. My brain is bigger than theirs. I have a brain. A good brain. And I make words mean what my brain tells me. I’m going to be a great president. The greatest. I’m the first president who has never, not once, failed at anything.”
“Don’t you dare argue with me. That would be unpresidented. No one who works for me argues with me. Never. My brain is bigger than theirs. I have a brain. A good brain. And I make words mean what my brain tells me. I’m going to be a great president. The greatest. I’m the first president who has never, not once, failed at anything.”
“Mr. Trump, now, I don’t think that’s quite true.”
“Name me one thing I’ve ever failed at. One. I bigly win. Always. Everything. Every time.”
“Sir. You’re on your third marriage. I’d say the first two marriages were failures.”
“WRONG! WRONG! I made two successful strategic upgrades to newer, better models. Success. Trump success. In fact, you might want to check Melania’s sell-by date. It may be time for another, fresher model. I have the expiration date tattooed on her left butt cheek. Have her show you. She’ll show her butt to anyone. Just ask.”
“Are you really getting ready to trade her in?” asked the aide. “Is that why she isn’t going to the White House with you?”
“She’s staying at the Tower. Ivanka and I will be sleeping at the White House.”
“Sir? Sleeping? By that, do you mean.”
“I mean sleeping. Beds. Night time. You KNOW my daughter is one hot piece.”
“Sir, now that you’re going to be president, I think you need to stop saying some things, or Tweeting them. You need to think about your words, Sir.”
“My words are the best words. Real words. Words that mean and stuff. And my brain will think if I need it to. Best brain. Don’t want to use it up.”
The aide tried again, “Sir, back to the No Failure thing. What about your bankruptcies? Weren’t those failures? Isn’t that what bankruptcy is, a bailout of a failure?”
“Punk, that just shows why I’m a billionaire, and you aren’t. The way I do bankruptcy isn’t failure. It is successfully making other people pay my bills.”
“I think your being a billionaire has something to do with the millions you inherited,” muttered the aide.
“See. I was the successful sperm. I’ve been a success from the first squirt.”
“I don’t think you want the press to hear you talk like that, Sir. And what about your failed University?”
“Name me one thing I’ve ever failed at. One. I bigly win. Always. Everything. Every time.”
“Sir. You’re on your third marriage. I’d say the first two marriages were failures.”
“WRONG! WRONG! I made two successful strategic upgrades to newer, better models. Success. Trump success. In fact, you might want to check Melania’s sell-by date. It may be time for another, fresher model. I have the expiration date tattooed on her left butt cheek. Have her show you. She’ll show her butt to anyone. Just ask.”
“Are you really getting ready to trade her in?” asked the aide. “Is that why she isn’t going to the White House with you?”
“She’s staying at the Tower. Ivanka and I will be sleeping at the White House.”
“Sir? Sleeping? By that, do you mean.”
“I mean sleeping. Beds. Night time. You KNOW my daughter is one hot piece.”
“Sir, now that you’re going to be president, I think you need to stop saying some things, or Tweeting them. You need to think about your words, Sir.”
“My words are the best words. Real words. Words that mean and stuff. And my brain will think if I need it to. Best brain. Don’t want to use it up.”
The aide tried again, “Sir, back to the No Failure thing. What about your bankruptcies? Weren’t those failures? Isn’t that what bankruptcy is, a bailout of a failure?”
“Punk, that just shows why I’m a billionaire, and you aren’t. The way I do bankruptcy isn’t failure. It is successfully making other people pay my bills.”
“I think your being a billionaire has something to do with the millions you inherited,” muttered the aide.
“See. I was the successful sperm. I’ve been a success from the first squirt.”
“I don’t think you want the press to hear you talk like that, Sir. And what about your failed University?”
“I made millions more than I had to pay those chumps to
settle. That’s success. Bigly.
Tens of millions in success. And,
why should I care what the press hears.
No one wants to hear the press. I’ll
just out-tweet ‘em. My voters get their
news from Tweets from me. The press is
sad.”
“Ok, Sir, then one last example, we’ll forget the airline, the steaks, the other businesses that didn’t make it. But, Sir, how can you call a closed and boarded up casino a success.”
“Easy.”
“How?”
“You’re fired.”
“Ok, Sir, then one last example, we’ll forget the airline, the steaks, the other businesses that didn’t make it. But, Sir, how can you call a closed and boarded up casino a success.”
“Easy.”
“How?”
“You’re fired.”
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